Confusing Life :)
Hi.
I'm here to speak about my life which I have no clue of. And this blog is really emotional and personal for me. Wow my second blog turns out to be really deep.
Past few months have been pretty rough for me. So maybe let's start from where it all began.
I had my summer vacation for about 3 months. I was really excited to get back to school because the previous year was the best school year I ever had. The teachers, classmates, friends, all of it was soo beautiful. I was really looking forward for this year to be as amazing as the last one. But everything took a huge turn.
We had our orientation where I found out that the teacher I loved and looked up too, left the school. That's the first shock I got. Then on the first day of school I found out that most of my teachers had changed. I mean I was really looking forward to learn and make memories with them and now...
During the summer, I figured out who I was (as in my character and personality). That's what I thought but that wasn't true. You know that feeling when you have great expectations about something and when that event occurs it's not how you thought it would be. That's something I felt. I spent most of my vacation reading books. I tried self-help books out. They really helped me figure out who I am. I was all prepared for the year but then things changed.
The teacher I told that I look up to once told us that "people don't except changes easily, they stick with what comforts them. They don't want to change or leave there bubble"
It made soo much sense to me back then and I had told myself that I won't be like those people. I will except the changes wholeheartedly. But then my teacher left and I wasn't able to except the reality. Everything just went blank. She taught me soo many things about life and I was really looking forward to spend my year with her but unfortunately she had to leave because she was tired and needed rest. But everytime I think about her it hurts that I couldn't do anything for her
Then comes my life.
I am blank. I don't know what's my purpose in life. I don't know what I feel. I am not giving my 100% in anything I feel. I don't know what's up with me. I haven't been doing well (emotionally, mentally and physically). The girl who knew who she was in the past few months, now knows nothing. I am clueless. I feel I'm indecisive. I don't know what I like and don't. And I got this voice in my brain speaking to me when I'm about to do anything. It asks me "if I'm faking who I'm" and I don't freaking know. It's just.. I don't know.
And finally about friends. So let me tell you that I'm not good at handling friends. In the sense that I'm too emotional or I get attached easily. Which means I get hurt easily. Sometimes it's difficult but I love I'm this person who connects to people. But you see I'm not sure about anything. Sometimes I hate that I'm too sensitive. I try to draw lines between me and the others.
So last week we had our tests going on and on the last day of the test, me and my friends (two) were walking back home from school. Then my friend notices that she forgot her piece of clothing in the school so her and my other friend decided to go back to school to get it. Oh and I forgot to mention that, on that particular day I was feeling off. And I didn't really speak to both of them. I was quiet. Soo they asked me if I wanted to come along with them and I said no. I really wanted to get back home. Both of them leave. They did ask me once before leaving if i was fine. They didnt even call. To be clear we are really good friends. And when I turned to go back home I had this heaviness in my chest. I felt betrayed ig. Or maybe I'm thinking too much. I also forgot to mention that I'm an overthinker too and I think it's obvious as well. My chest felt heavy whenever I thought about it. I feel I'm wrong here. Maybe it's my fault somehow.
Soo all this is running through my brain and I don't know what to do about it. If you have felt something like this or have any suggestions or opinions let me know :)
I'm here to speak about my life which I have no clue of. And this blog is really emotional and personal for me. Wow my second blog turns out to be really deep.
Past few months have been pretty rough for me. So maybe let's start from where it all began.
I had my summer vacation for about 3 months. I was really excited to get back to school because the previous year was the best school year I ever had. The teachers, classmates, friends, all of it was soo beautiful. I was really looking forward for this year to be as amazing as the last one. But everything took a huge turn.
We had our orientation where I found out that the teacher I loved and looked up too, left the school. That's the first shock I got. Then on the first day of school I found out that most of my teachers had changed. I mean I was really looking forward to learn and make memories with them and now...
During the summer, I figured out who I was (as in my character and personality). That's what I thought but that wasn't true. You know that feeling when you have great expectations about something and when that event occurs it's not how you thought it would be. That's something I felt. I spent most of my vacation reading books. I tried self-help books out. They really helped me figure out who I am. I was all prepared for the year but then things changed.
The teacher I told that I look up to once told us that "people don't except changes easily, they stick with what comforts them. They don't want to change or leave there bubble"
It made soo much sense to me back then and I had told myself that I won't be like those people. I will except the changes wholeheartedly. But then my teacher left and I wasn't able to except the reality. Everything just went blank. She taught me soo many things about life and I was really looking forward to spend my year with her but unfortunately she had to leave because she was tired and needed rest. But everytime I think about her it hurts that I couldn't do anything for her
Then comes my life.
I am blank. I don't know what's my purpose in life. I don't know what I feel. I am not giving my 100% in anything I feel. I don't know what's up with me. I haven't been doing well (emotionally, mentally and physically). The girl who knew who she was in the past few months, now knows nothing. I am clueless. I feel I'm indecisive. I don't know what I like and don't. And I got this voice in my brain speaking to me when I'm about to do anything. It asks me "if I'm faking who I'm" and I don't freaking know. It's just.. I don't know.
And finally about friends. So let me tell you that I'm not good at handling friends. In the sense that I'm too emotional or I get attached easily. Which means I get hurt easily. Sometimes it's difficult but I love I'm this person who connects to people. But you see I'm not sure about anything. Sometimes I hate that I'm too sensitive. I try to draw lines between me and the others.
So last week we had our tests going on and on the last day of the test, me and my friends (two) were walking back home from school. Then my friend notices that she forgot her piece of clothing in the school so her and my other friend decided to go back to school to get it. Oh and I forgot to mention that, on that particular day I was feeling off. And I didn't really speak to both of them. I was quiet. Soo they asked me if I wanted to come along with them and I said no. I really wanted to get back home. Both of them leave. They did ask me once before leaving if i was fine. They didnt even call. To be clear we are really good friends. And when I turned to go back home I had this heaviness in my chest. I felt betrayed ig. Or maybe I'm thinking too much. I also forgot to mention that I'm an overthinker too and I think it's obvious as well. My chest felt heavy whenever I thought about it. I feel I'm wrong here. Maybe it's my fault somehow.
Soo all this is running through my brain and I don't know what to do about it. If you have felt something like this or have any suggestions or opinions let me know :)
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